Tag Archives: relationships

As Humans, We Ruin Things

Because that’s what all of us do.

We break things, like they are meant to be broken. We break them carelessly, or we break them like we want them to.

We break them to make us feel powerful. But the broken makes us feel weak at the same time, as we then realize that the broken seldom can be fixed or restored back to its former glory — what it’s meant to be, look or function.

Here’s the question then: Are things meant to stay or are they meant to be changed?

Things change. They always do. And we complain, and we regret, and we feel upset when they do. But the thing is, when they stay the same, we never really feel satisfied. Don’t we? Don’t you? Perhaps for some time, but then after you get the same thing over and over and over again, there will come a thought to you which says, “How I wish things change up a bit, a little, for a while, or something…”

We want change, but we do not welcome big changes. We want change because we want to feel life changing. We want to feel it moving… forward. But we don’t like it too drastic or too fast. We want to be able to catch up with the change, or let the change catch up with us.

Control. Yes, we all want it. We want to be in the know. We don’t want any sneak attack. We don’t like to be caught unprepared by anything.

Composure. A dignified smile. A good posture to greet people. Yes, to be composed. To appear ‘good’ and flawless. Humans like to greet each other like that. We want to appear as our best, always.

Who do we want to impress, really? Them, or ourselves? To let them know that we did a good job, or let ourselves know that we did a good job? Question.

But no matter, we don’t let ourselves break apart in front of others. We don’t let our veil of composure crack. We won’t. We don’t want to. Because then our flaws will show, and our flaws are what that makes us different from others. Flaws are what make each and every one of us special. Not strengths.

As humans, we ruin things. All the time. From time to time. We are not perfect. We want to be. We want to be alright. We want to be fine. But sometimes we are just not. We fall. We want to chill out a bit, we let go of things a little, and then things slip. They tumble and fall and break and die. And we say, oh no, that not what I planned, I didn’t expect that to happen…

Sometimes we try to salvage whatever that’s left. Then we try to build upon it. But things will not be the same. Maybe better, maybe worse. But what’s changed is changed. You either embrace it or you don’t — the good or the bad, or both. Things may appear to be better than they seem if you embrace it, or they may not. But what’s for sure, those that you do not embrace, they will only appear worse and worse.

Things left alone always go bad. Except for wine and cheese, and some other things I’m sure. But I’m not talking about food here. I’m talking about the things we break, not physically, but metaphorically. Like how love never lasts, how friendships fall apart, and how first impressions could be the best and the rest just goes downhill.

Sometimes we ruin things ourselves, by our own hands. Other times, we let other people ruin it all for us.

Written by

Everyday I dream that dragons and dinosaurs become real. Read: http://thoughtcatalog.com/keay-nigel/ http://elitedaily.com/author/knigel/

Updated December 23, 2013


Ads Are Content Too

The problem isn’t we have advertisements. It’s that we aren’t doing a better job of delivering beneficial content.

Clutter. Clutter. Clutter. Clutter. Image overload. Ads galore. … This is why people miss the glory days of RSS (maybe the only reason).
MG Siegler, “Let It Full Bleed

Haven’t we had this conversation before? The problem with websites like TechCrunch, Facebook, Twitter, Mashable, and so on isn’t that they haven’t implemented that great unsolicited redesign yet. The visual design might be a problem in some cases, but I feel the larger problem is we’re still delivering ads the same way we did 20 years ago.

Ads are content too.

Do yourself a favor. Stop thinking of ads as some image thrown in the sidebar or header of a websites after you’ve painstakingly finished a design. Everything we place on our websites is content. We painstakingly craft the rest of our content. Why should that stop with ads we allow on our website? We need to craft more ads that are entertaining, informative, and helpful.

People don’t hate ads.

People share ads all the time. Like the Super Bowl ads every year. Or this older commercial from Old Spice. Or Chiptole’s amazing animation “The Scarecrow” from earlier this year.

People don’t hate ads. They hate irrelevant content. They hate boring content. They hate wasting their time with misguiding content, whether intentional or not. This is why the most popular Chrome extension is AdBlock, boasting over 15 million users. Users hate being misled.

Ah! I see you’re trying to guilt me into whitelisting your websites.

We’ve created this mess. Let’s start thinking of better ways we can deliver beneficial services and products to our users.

View story at Medium.com


Two Questions You Should Stop Asking Women

and people, in general.



I don’t hate many things. I rarely get annoyed. But I’ll be damned if one more person asks me one of the following two questions.


How are you still single?




How are you broke?


Let’s review.


How are you still single?


I feel fine about my relationship status. I’m almost ambivalent. I mean, I’m not excited that I’m single. I’m really not. I want to get married & have kids and puppies running around the house. But I’m not in a constant state of worry or concern about it. Most of the time.


Some days, I love single life. Independence. The freedom to make my schedule without having to consider anyone else. Other days, I kind of want to poke my eye out when I see your engagement & wedding photos on Facebook.


When I go watch the sunset, by myself, & see couples on blankets gazing at the ocean and being all lovey, I’ll be honest… sometimes I think it’s cute. Occasionally I want to cry. Most of the time, it’s whatever. When I go home for the holidays, alone, again… as usual… yes, I do think it would be nice to have someone to share it with. Mainly so my family will stop telling me that I’m “going to be single forever” if I don’t stop being so picky & that my nephew needs cousins.


I understand that most often, you are asking me in that sort of “you’re so awesome, how are you still single?” way. But it’s gut wrenching on occasion. The answer is this: If I knew how I was single, I probably wouldn’t be. So maybe, please, just stop bringing it up. I’m fully aware of my current relationship status without you asking me how it is that way. Moving on.


Cabo Silleiro

Cabo Silleiro (Photo credit: FreeCat)


How are you broke?


How am I broke? This one makes me cringe but I imagine I’m not the only person in her late 20s that has had to turn a few things down because I couldn’t afford to take that last minute trip to Cabo (or, shit, rent a paddleboard for an hour).


I really don’t think you understand that when you say to someone “how are you broke?” you sound like a jaggoff (yinzer).


I rarely tell people I’m broke. Because I’m not. I have change laying around in my car, my desk, my sock drawer, & about 15 other random places.


We are so wealthy in America that most of us don’t even know where all of our money is. Truth.


So ‘broke’ is certainly an exaggeration. But occasionally, paycheck to paycheck is reality for a few weeks or months. And if I let those little words slip… please… dear God… don’t degrade me by asking me HOW. I’ve been working my tail off since I was 16 years old. I can assure you it’s not because I’m coasting. It may, however, mean one of the following:


  • I don’t want to spend ‘x’ amount of money on ‘y’. I also don’t want to explain my reason. It’s easier just to tell you I’m broke.
  • I’m currently investing in myself. Personal development seminars & courses. Books. That sort of thing. I understand that to many people, this sounds bizarre, so when we are out with friends & it’s loud & you’re drinking, the last thing I want to do is explain to you why I think this is important.
  • A lot of shit happened this year. Car stuff. Medical stuff. Stuff that was unplanned. Not sure about you, but my “shit happens” fund isn’t for spending on vacations. That fund is still being replenished from the Vegas trip we took in 2007.

    Cabo Home

    Cabo Home (Photo credit: FreeCat)

  • I voluntarily took a paycut in 2013. I quit a well-paying second income because I wasn’t passionate about it to pursue a passion that paid me 12 grand less this year. I’m happier, regardless, even if I am more broke.


I realize I tell you I’m working pretty often. Most of this is researching, learning, growing, & otherwise hustling so that one day, I’ll never have to turn you down. Because I promise I really do want to go to Cabo with you on a random weekend, just because.


And when we do, I won’t be broke.


I may or may not be single.


Read more – > https://medium.com/p/3065ac0be547




This Is Forty: I Failed at Online Dating for All the Right Reasons

Ezinne  in Culture Club


When you are in your late thirties and still flailing about with respect to suitors; you will start to panic, no matter how self-contained you are. Considering my Nigerian background, my situation is downright precarious; it’s almost as if I am silently murdering my parents.

Culture Club (without Boy George)

Culture Club (without Boy George) (Photo credit: technokitten)

Not only do I have to deal with my own shattered dreams, I have to contend with the disappointment embedded in my parents’ eyes whenever they visit, and I am forced to communicate with them face-to-face. They are convinced that their daughter is purposely stifling her chances when it comes to finding a suitable mate. They are convinced that I am avoiding marriage because I am too self-absorbed to willingly commit to building a family of my own.

I was hoping to God that my parents were wrong in their diagnosis, but the truth is that I haven’t been doing my best to increase my chances for a favorable outcome. Long distance relationships or liaisons with unavailable men haven’t produced fruitful results, but for some reason that I am sure qualifies me for therapy, they are instinctively convenient.

Read more – > https://medium.com/race-class/68c2489327cc




How to College

Friendly Advice for every Freshman this Fall


Image representing Zaarly as depicted in Crunc...

Image by None via CrunchBase


I originally wrote this set of lessons and stories as a Graduation present to a friend (a daughter of a business owner I work with at Zaarly).

After she found it helpful, I started sharing it with more and more people until it seemed best to just publish it for all the world.

I hope you enjoy, and if you know any Freshmen—pass it along!


Friends & People


Make lots and lots of friends. BUT only let a select few influence your decisions. If you have lots of friends, many will be dumb. That’s perfectly ok, so long as you know which they are.


Assume all people, words and actions are well-intentioned, even if they don’t come across that way. This makes life much easier.


Everyone is starting over—everyone wants to meet new people and make friends. Don’t be shy, go say hi.


Go introduce yourself to people in your dorms, classes, etc in the first days/weeks—(it gets a little harder after the first month or so). Leave your door open in your dorm. Invite everyone to everything. Going to dinner or a party? Invite everyone in the vicinity, and everyone you meet along the way. People will reciprocate this and life will be good!


Make adult friends of all types: Teachers, Mentors, and Locals. Learn to connect with them both professionally and informally. This will be an invaluable skill in life, and you’ll learn a ton and gain perspective from them that your college friends won’t provide. They also help you get jobs.



Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


This is as easy as asking them to coffee and being genuinely curious about them/their work. Honestly, it’s easy. Check out 52cups.tumblr.com for an amazing example—this is a friend of mine from school.


Find friends with your interests, not just in your proximity.


- Friends in your dorm/floor are great, day to day.
- Friends with your prof interests will be helpful, and teach you things.
- Older friends throw better parties. They also give great advice.


read more -> https://medium.com/better-humans/7397cdbb2800





This makes me sadder than it should !!! (MUST SEE)




Ouch !!!! Taking A Stab At Fox News!!! (LMAO)



What’s Worse Than a Coworker Who Undermines You?

What’s Worse Than a Coworker Who Undermines You?

What’s Worse Than a Coworker Who Undermines You?

Bad colleagues can wreak havoc. One of the signs of a bad coworker is a pattern of persistent undermining—intentionally hindering a colleague’s success, reputation, or relationships. If you’ve ever had a coworker actively interfere with your productivity, try to make you look bad, steal your ideas, or give you false information, you’ve been the victim of undermining.

The opposite of an underminer is a supporter. When colleagues are supportive, they go out of their way to be givers rather than takers, working to enhance our productivity, make us look good, share ideas, and provide timely help.

Most people assume that relationships are either bad or good. Our coworkers are either takers who undermine us or givers who support us. But research shows otherwise: negative and positive relationships are independent. Many of us have ambivalent relationships with a colleague who undermines us in some situations but supports us in others. What are the implications of these ambivalent relationships?

In a fascinating study led by Michelle Duffy, police officers filled out a survey about how often their closest colleague undermined and supported them. Officers who felt undermined were less committed at work, experienced more physical health problems, and were more likely to take unauthorized breaks and be absent from work. Being undermined was a major source of stress.

But when the underminer was also supportive, things got worse. The officers experienced even lower commitment, had more health issues, and missed more work. It can actually worse to have a colleague who alternates between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde than to work with Mr. Hyde all the time. When a colleague is a pure taker, you know what to expect, and you can devise strategies for minimizing your exposure and collaboration. But if that colleague takes in some situations and gives in others, it’s harder to avoid the relationship altogether, and it can be quite unpredictable. As Duffy’s team explains, “it takes more emotional energy and coping resources to deal with individuals who are inconsistent.”

Frenemies are worse than enemies, and it’s not just in the workplace. Psychologist Bert Uchino finds the same patterns in everyday relationships. In one study, his team surveyed older adults about how the ten most important people in their networks responded to requests assistance. Some relationships were consistently helpful, others made things worse rather than better, and some were ambivalent, featuring a mix of the two. The adults completed two anxiety-provoking tasks: delivering a speech with minimal preparation and taking a rapid-fire math test. Uchino’s team tracked their heart rates.

The more ambivalent ties people had, the more their heart rates spiked during the speech and the math test. Having close connections that were both undermining and supportive was associated with greater stress. In another study of several hundred adults, the more ambivalent relationships they had, the more likely they were to be stressed, depressed, and dissatisfied with their lives.

One implication of this evidence is that it could be wise to avoid ambivalent relationships, even more so than purely negative relationships. But a different strategy might also be effective. Although receiving support from the same person who undermines us is stressful, receiving support from a different person can serve as a buffer. In the study of police officers, Duffy’s team found that having a supportive boss partially reduced the negative effects of an ambivalent coworker. Indeed, after reviewing several decades of research on good and bad bosses, psychologist Robert Sutton concludes that one of the most critical roles for a boss is to serve as a human shield, protecting people against the slings and arrows of bad relationships.

When we’re being undermined by one person, we recognize the importance of seeking support from someone else. But it may be even more critical to invest in those supportive relationships when dealing with someone who’s guilty of both undermining and supporting us.

For more on how relationships affect our success and well-being, see Adam’s new book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller.


Photo: Dilbert cartoon. Credit: Scott Adams, http://www.dilbert.com; Top: JSlavy/Shutterstock.com

(VIA. Adam Grant – Linkedin – Wharton professor and author of GIVE AND TAKE)


ZipDial, The Missed-Call Leader In India, Adds Jungle Ventures To Seed Round And Launches In Sri Lanka


ZipDial, the company based in India that has turned missed calls into a business, has raised new funds from Jungle Ventures and launched its service in Sri Lanka. The company has clients like P&G and Disney, who have realized that the common social interaction of missed calls in India, are turning to ZipDial instead of focusing on driving likes to Facebook pages or chasing followers on Twitter.

Basically, in a trend seen by ZipDial and others, people would communicate by calling one another and then hanging up. This is so that pre-paid cell minutes aren’t used up. For ZipDial customers who get their own numbers, consumers can call it, hang up and then receive an incoming text about the brand, which is free.


When I met with its founder and CEO Valerie Rozycki Wagoner while visiting India, she made it clear that ZipDial was a company that could bring its learnings and services from India to new markets globally. With new funding from Jungle Ventures, the service has launched in Sri Lanka, with some of its current clients expanding their business to the new location. For example, Unilever will be promoting a contest throughout Sinhalese New Year, using ZipDial as a mechanism to push polls via SMS to help pick a winner.

Unilever’s marketing agency, GroupM, sees Sri Lanka as a massive opportunity. Its managing director in Bangladesh, Rohith Hettiaratchi, says: “Sri Lanka is a country with a high mobile penetration.”

Some of the differences in Sri Lanka, ZipDial says, is the difference in literacy rates and per-capita income. However, even with those differences, there is little or no consumer data to be had for mobile phone users there. Naturally, ZipDial aims to change that for its clients with its platform, tools and analytics.

Exact terms of the funding from Jungle Ventures wasn’t shared, but the firm now becomes ZipDial’s largest investor shareholder, Wagoner tells us. The company calls this “the final piece” of its “Seed Plus” funding, as it plans to raise a Series A sometime in the next year. Jungle Ventures joins 500 Startups and Blume Ventures as investors.

On why Jungle Ventures was an important part of the puzzle, Wagoner told us:

The decision to work with Jungle was very strategic for our international expansion as the team is made up of successful entrepreneurs who have built their businesses and networks in the South East Asia region. We have already benefited from client introductions and valuable strategic advice, and we are very enthusiastic about the leverage that Jungle will create for the company.

On Jungle Ventures’ side, Managing Partner Amit Anand shared what was so impressive about ZipDial: “Having built businesses as well as our Jungle portfolio across Asia, we immediately saw the power of ZipDial’s innovative model and the team’s potential to be market leaders not only in India but across the region.”

The company is still heavily focused on its business in India, but the opportunity to expand was too hard to pass up. As Wagoner and team continue to learn more about mobile phone users in South East Asia, the model that it has built will be ready to bring to other nations.

(VIA. Tech Crunch)