A friend of mine wrote me a letter expressing his confusion and growing maturity for his life—what he is attracted to in women, the lifestyle he wants to live, and hoping that because this is the exact topic I immerse myself in each day, would be able to give him a nugget of advice. Here is my response…
I enjoyed reading this email from you. I feel you are on the brink of a realization. Hopefully I can help ignite it.
conquest of happiness (Photo credit: the waving cat)
You are right. There is the fantasy of the ego being fulfilled. Being with people you don’t necessarily like, in places you don’t necessarily like, listening to music you don’t necessarily like. But in the fantasy, everyone is looking at you smiling and wanting to touch you.
Then there is real happiness. That is where you are meeting people that you actually feel good being with. And you are hanging with them in places that you enjoy being at, listening to music (or not) that you enjoy listening to. You are wearing the clothes you genuinely want to be wearing, and you are sitting in the position you want to sit in.
“Coming to terms with who you are” makes it sound terrible to me. Rather, I would call it an enlightenment (not the hippie guru sort). Where you can say to yourself, “Holy crap! I don’t have to act like this, and be talking to these people, and be in these places in order to be happy with my life.” That is when you begin to find yourself getting specific about what you really want to be doing. And who you really want to be with.
b) I am never going to be “that guy”. That guy who walks into the bar and is super interesting and can get girls to come party with him at night clubs. It’s partly because I have no interest anymore in partying “that way” and also partly because I no longer believe in trying to convince others I am this idea that’s perpetuated in our society as “popular”. I can’t stand electronic music and I won’t ever pretend to. I’m not a hipster either (I can’t even grow a mustache, forget beards). For better or worse, I am who I am.
Who gives a shit? I would kill myself if this was what life was about. A while back, I wrote a letter to a Wolf & Garden member on being cool. I talked about how there are three general groups: a. Cool kids b. Uber nerds c. Posers
Happiness (Photo credit: baejaar)
The posers are the only ones who are unhappy, and they are the only ones who are not living the life they enjoy. The cool kids are living the life they want, with the people that make them happy, with the music and jobs and places that make them happy. And guess what? Because of utter purpose and presence for their lifestyle, others gravitate to them. Namely, the posers. These posers were never happy with themselves usually because they grew up without purpose and/or being bullied about what they liked. And they saw the cool kids so involved with their own stuff, that it seemed attractive. So they tried to gain that same feeling the cool kids did. However, the cool kids are cool because they are doing what they love, not because they are trying to be cool. And there’s the rub.
Read more – > https://medium.com/p/a5cde00aa19e