Daily Archives: December 11, 2013

Designing Products That Scale


The design system and style guide behind Salesforce1

Doing product design in a huge organization is tricky. Clear, constant communication is imperative.

A few years ago at Salesforce, that mostly meant hours upon hours of creating static redline specs. I didn’t go to school for this stuff, but burning the midnight oil to label CSS attributes across hundreds of screens seemed really, really broken.

Surely there’s a better way.

Each time a minor change was made to a component in the system, you threw back a shot of whiskey, cursed your existence on the planet, and started the process of combing through every sheet to update outdated elements. Then you’d recreate the PDF and tell everyone that the new one labeled final-final-v2.pdf is the version that they should start using.

There’s definitely a better way. But before we get to that, let me tell you the story of what it took to get there.


Finding the horizon

Our design was approaching seven years old. That’s like 114 in web years. We were in desperate need of a redesign, and everyone knew it.

We actually pushed out a first version of the style guide last year that was specifically for desktop. I was surprised at how quickly it spread internally. We weren’t even close to completing it, but the need was so large that even an inkling of a design system was enough to make a significant impact.

The problem was that the first style guide was built around a concept, not a final product. The concept was off the mark — it was minimal and clean and all that, but it just wasn’t us.

How could we break years of patterns that our customers were now obsessed with, but were also holding us back from evolving?

Read more – > https://medium.com/startup-lesson-learned/c8f3001f709b

 

CrossFit’s Dirty Little Secret


Everyone has an uncle they’d rather you not meet.

Please allow me to introduce you to Uncle Rhabdo, CrossFit’s unofficial and disturbing mascot. Uncle Rhabdo is a cartoon commonly referenced in CrossFit literature and representative of a troubling trend among CrossFitters.

He’s a clown. Literally.

The “Uncle Rhabdo” cartoon depicts an exhausted, yet well-muscled clown, connected to a dialysis machine standing next to some workout equipment. Concernedly, his kidney has fallen out and lies on the floor underneath him, along with some portion of his bowel. He’s left a pool of blood on the floor below him, but it’s not clear if this is from the disembowelment, the kidney’s arterial supply, or the collection of fasciotomies he appears to have endured. Uncle Rhabdo, of course, has Rhabdomyolysis.

Rhabdomyolysis, apart from being a subtly pleasant and melodic sounding word, is an uncool, serious and potentially fatal condition resulting from the catastrophic breakdown of muscle cells. We’ll get more into the specifics in just a bit, but first let’s begin with a story.


A Tale of Rhabdomyolysis

One day, a very fit, young, physical therapist colleague of mine went to CrossFit. She had been many times before. On this warm Texas evening, she performed a partner workout, where each would trade off performing sets of 10 for each exercise. The workout consisted of pushups. Lots of them. Copious amounts of overhead press were also included.

She performed hundreds of repetitions of each. She was a champ!

“I didn’t want to not match my partner. Normally I may have rested a little, but the partner workout kept me going.”

Most people who experience exertional rhabdomyolysis are very fit. This is not a case of out-of-shape newbies doing too much. (Photo by Victoria Garcia via Flickr)

Both of these activities heavily involve the triceps muscles and so she wasn’t surprised to have her beautiful, sculpted arms feel like poorly set bowls of JELL-O® on the way home from CrossFit. Perhaps it was the heat. Maybe it was the sheer number of exercises she did. Her muscles were in crisis. She iced and hydrated when she got home, like a good little exerciser, but the damage was already done.

As physical therapists, we’re finely tuned detection machines looking for normal versus abnormal response to exercise and activity. “Is this supposed to hurt?” is a question we respond to hundreds of times in a week. Sometimes the answer to this question is yes and we encourage the individual to press on, and other times it’s a signal to initiate some rest and recovery. This signal detection is one of the things that’s deeply embedded into physical therapists. We can’t help it. And so when my friend awoke the next morning, her abnormal response alarms were blaring. She couldn’t bend her elbows! She couldn’t even reach her mouth to brush her teeth.

Still entrenched in the CrossFit culture of deplete, endure, repeat, she quieted the alarms and stoically pressed on to go to work. It didn’t take long to realize she not only couldn’t bend her arms, they also had no strength. She wasn’t able to treat her patients. By that evening, her slender arms had continued to swell into plump hotdogs of ache and regret, and she was starting to come to the realization that the morning’s danger alarms were legitimate.

Unbelievably, it took another 24 hours for her professional sense to break through the grip of the CrossFit culture, and seek medical attention. She was diagnosed with acute rhabdomyolysis, and ended up in the hospital for over a week. While in the emergency department they tested her creatinine kinase (CPK) levels. Normal is about 100. Her CPK levels were more than 45,000, a number that indicated damage to the kidneys.

While in the hospital, she called to cancel her CrossFit membership. As is standard when something is cancelled, the CrossFit coach asked the reason for her decision. She replied, “I’m in the hospital.” The instructor quickly asked, “Is it rhabdo?”

And here we have arrived at CrossFit’s dirty little secret. The coach was unusually familiar with what is normally a very rarely seen disorder. It’s so rare that one study reported the overall annual incidence of rhabdomyolysis to be 0.06%. That represents single digits of cases out of hundreds of thousands of patients. How, I wondered, is it possible that the layperson exercise instructor is on a first-name basis with a serious, yet rare medical condition? Is this a thing with CrossFit? It turns out it is.


Rhabdomyolysis: As Told By CrossFit?

A quick search of the Interwebs reveals copious amounts of information about rhabdo purveyed by none other than CrossFit trainers. Scouring the scientific literature in mainstream medical journals, however, reveals a only a few peer-reviewed papers. The science confirms that exertional rhabdomyolysis, as this form is sometimes referred to, is uncommon and normally reserved for the elite military trainee, ultra-endurance monsters, and for victims of the occasional psychotic football coach. Rhabdomyolysis isn’t a common condition, yet it’s so commonly encountered in CrossFit that they have a cartoon about it,nonchalantly casting humor on something that should never happen.

So what is rhabdomyolysis exactly? Under extreme conditions your muscles cells explode. They die. They leach protein out into the blood stream, including one form called myoglobin. Ever stalwart, your kidneys take up the job of clearing these dangerous proteins from the blood. Why? It’s just what they do. Unfortunately, myoglobin proteins aren’t designed to be in the blood in the first place and they can easily overload the kidney. This can produce injury or death to all or part of the kidney in a short amount of time, and is potentially lethal. Locally, the muscles are left damaged and dying. Swelling ensues and weakness occurs as pressure builds around the remaining muscle cells. Your body’s systems that normally can assist with this local muscle damage are now offline trying to help you not die. If you get to this stage, you’re in serious trouble.

In some cases, acute compartment syndrome ensues, which is an emergency condition that can result in loss of a limb unless your connective tissue is slashed open to release the swelling , a procedure called a fasciotomy. None of this is something that people should be handling in such a cavalier manner.

So what gives? As early as 2005, the New York Times documented rhabdomyolysis associated with the culture of CrossFit in a piece entitled, “Getting Fit, Even If It Kills You.” The article included this gem of a quote:

“Yet six months later Mr. Anderson, a former Army Ranger, was back in the gym, performing the very exercises that nearly killed him. “I see pushing my body to the point where the muscles destroy themselves as a huge benefit of CrossFit,” he said.”

What does CrossFit’s founder, Greg Glassman think of this?

“It can kill you,” he said. “I’ve always been completely honest about that.”

Fast forward to 2013 and this culture has changed little, perhaps even accelerated. As fellow Medium writer, Jason Kessler pointed out in “Why I Quit CrossFit,” the elitist, push yourself to the limit culture of the discipline has increased in light of commercial interests taking hold. Regarding culture, Jason points out,

“If you ask a CrossFit coach, the injuries were all my fault. In a culture that drives you to go as hard and fast as possible, it’s difficult not to get caught up in the hype. You’re supposed to push yourself to the limit, but when you hit the limit and pay the price, you’re the idiot who went too far.”

In another psychotic example of how the overwhelming culture of CrossFit can diminish professional common sense, one gynecologist was quoted dishing this nonsense:

“Ladies, in my professional opinion, it is okay to pee during double unders.”

No, peeing during a workout is not alright. Ever.

To underline the point, MoveForwardPT.com, the official consumer information website of the American Physical Therapy Association (APTA), hosted an online radio show specifically responding to CrossFit’s irresponsible glorification of stress induced urinary incontinence.


The Impact of Rhabdomyolysis

Sometimes rhabdomyolysis gets better with treatment. Sometimes it lingers. Sometimes your kidneys are never the same again. One message board commenter remarked,

“ I seem to “flare” after any resistance training. I came into this by over training- I was in phenomenal shape. I have gained weight. I get swollen and puffy. I feel as though the quality of my muscle tissue decreases on a daily basis- more so than the lack of weight training- seems to be disintegration.”

The effects of rhabdomyolysis can persist beyond the initial crisis phase.

My friend experienced a similar, though thankfully less severe long term effect. It’s been several months and her triceps strength is not back to normal. Her sculpted arms are gone, replaced by semi-swollen jiggly tissue. Once a muscle tears, damaged, fatty scar tissue replaces the injured muscle tissue. The result is a permanently damaged muscle, and a decreased ability to strength train. The irony of pushups causing flabby arms underscores the age-old mantra: There really is too much of a good thing.

Crossfitters, largely unaware of the rhabdo risk, will continue to charge ahead, pressured and happily coerced into exercising to depletion and exhaustion. My prediction: in a few years, the peer-reviewed scientific literature will be ripe with articles about CrossFit and Rhabdomyolysis. Health providers will be there to scoop up the pieces, but who is there to protect those people unknowingly at risk?

Exercise is just about the best thing you can do for your body, but in the case of Crossfit, we’re left to ponder the question, is this workout worth the risk? Can the culture adapt to one that embraces safe training principles? Do coaches truly have the ability to detect what a proper training load is for their athletes? Only time will tell, but the future of CrossFit may depend on it.

Read more – > https://medium.com/health-fitness-1/97bcce70356d

 

11 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started My Business


A lot of people like to fool you and say that you’re not smart if you never went to college, but common sense rules over everything. That’s what I learned from selling crack. -Snoop Dogg

My name is Stephanie St.Claire, and I am an unfunded entrepreneur. I’ve been in business for 3 years, after engaging in my own personal and tenuous renaissance (uh…divorce) and rediscovering my Divine Core Purpose. In other words, I grew a pair of ladyballs and started living the life I always wanted to while making money doing it.

But there was a LOT to learn, and some of those things weren’t covered in Who Moved My Cheese.

Throw these 4 rockstars into a blender, and you’ll have a composite sketch of me in the first three months of my business:

Glitter was literally shooting out of my eye sockets as I quit my PR firm job and started my own business. Full of optimism, living in New York City, and surrounded by a tribe of friends who were also launching businesses, art, and gigs, I felt it was the perfect time to make the bold move to entrepreneurship. I was now officially Living My Dream and Working For Myself which meant that I was In Charge of My Financial Destiny and Captain of My Promising Future.

Luckily my initial hyper-optimism buoyed me whilst, oscillating between euphoria and despair, I was slowly but systematically forced off The Magic School Bus and onto the S.S. Battleship Long Haul.

I was a quick and eager learner, but despite the hours of webinar watching, countless Friday nights pumping out site copy, and teaching myself everything I could about HTML, there were just some things I didn’t get. I had to fall on my ass to procure the “masters degree in life survival” every entrepreneur has to earn on their “journey.”

Yes, those were wildly gesticulated air quotes.

Here are 11 things I wish I knew when I started my business. I hope they will save you some time, but at the very least, some anguish because — experience is a good teacher here — the sodium from your tears acts as a corrosive melting agent on all brands of premium ice cream, but otherwise, makes a superb saline for your dirty martini. Cry over a cup, oh fathomless bird of preneurial gumption!


ONE.

Running the business is your first priority. Your success (and financial stability) will come from expertly running your business — not teaching yoga, life coaching, writing copy, or making jewelry. In other words, you will spend 15% of the time doing what you love (your gift..in my case coaching and writing) and 85% of the time marketing, administrating, selling, strategizing your business, and answering a shitload of email. Survival will totally hinge on how quickly you adopt this role of Business Owner first, creator of pretty things, second.

This sucked for me because I wanted nothing to do with running a business. I just wanted to be a writer and a life coach who wrote and coached all day. I didn’t get it.


TWO.

Ready to meet your soul mate? It’s you. Entrepreneurship is the most life changing relationship (like marriage or parenthood) that a person can have. You will be confronted overandoverandover with your fears, your insecurities, your crappy excuses, your limitations, your justifications, your shitty integrity, and your inefficient time management. The standard you held yourself to in the work-a-day world was good enough then, but it won’t be good enough to run your own business. And you will learn to accept yourself through all this because in order to get up every day and create, you have to. Somehow through that process of acceptance, while you’re busy putting yourself out there in spite of your flaws, your weaknesses will transform and you will fall in love with yourself. Not in the over-hyped “SELF LOVE 2012” way, but in a quiet way that sneaks up on you after witnessing a thousand splinter-sized moments of transcending the baser aspects of yourself.


THREE.

Your trajectory for success will take as long as everyone else’s, even though you’re special and brilliant. I heard the “two-year rule” when I started my biz, but I was confident I could do it in 6 months. I believed with every fiber of my glittery, go-gettin’ heart that my work ethic (15-hour days/7 days a week), along with my talent, skills, and personal magic, I could rip a path to accelerated success because also, this was A Leap of Faith and I was Living in My Divine Authenticity and that was worth some express lane juju points from Heaven.

Jesus had other plans.

See #4.


FOUR.

Running out of money is a common part of the journey. You won’t expect it, because you prepared for the long haul. You secured a business loan, or got some investors, or sold your house (cough, cough), or have one year’s worth of savings and you have planned accordingly.

But then all of the sudden, midst the puffy clouds and blue skies, your little twin engine Entreprenairplane will sputter, the needle on the gas gauge unexpectedly plummeting to zero, and you will have only one choice… land your plane on the wild, abandoned air strip called Bank Balance: Fourteen Dollars. And this will be the LAST PLACE you ever thought you’d crash land, cuz didn’t you pass this test on No More Sephora Island?

Well.

The good news is this is a rite of passage that will launch you into the League of Business Badassery in which, once you are out of the money hellhole, you will be unstoppable. You’ve been to the baddest prison there is, you looked down the barrel of your worst fear, and you stood your ground. You didn’t quit. You got up the next day, and you wrote your next post, created your next offering, and answered the email with zero dollars in your bank account.

There is nothing more beautiful than running out of money and realizing that you are doing your work because you’ve got the guts to stand in the face of no agreement and push through when there is no evidence of security. You really, truly love what you do, and you’d do it for free if you had to.

Irony is a sassy bitch, isn’t she?


FIVE.

Build a hybrid stream of income. Take a second job if it will give you peace of mind. Please don’t be a jackass like I was and make it mean that you’re failing at your business. I was so resistant to “dividing my focus” or taking any action which I interpreted as undermining my commitment to being a successful writer and coach. Do you see the hellish mousetrap that was? I really thought that by making a Plan B I was telling the Universe I wasn’t 100% serious about my success. Don’t even get me started with my crazy aversion to Plan B’s. I created a worse problem by allowing financial stress to gut me of my sanity.

If having a steady stream of part-time income would be in service to your peace of mind, DO IT.

I finally came to terms with the fact that I was being obnoxiously naïve about how money, peace, survival, and timing all work together and I got a second job. By doing this, I supernaturalized my own path to freedom and self-sustainability. And since I wasn’t freaking out about money anymore, I liberated more creative real estate in my brain to apply toward my business.


SIX.

Read Steven Pressfield’s Do the Work. The biggest challenge you will deal with in running a business is your own resistance. Period, end of story. Before you study anything about marketing, social media, money, or time management, read this book. You’ll be treated to gems like this:

Our enemy is not lack of preparation; it’s not the difficulty of the project, or the state of the marketplace, or the emptiness of our bank account. The enemy is resistance. The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why he can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do.

A professional distances herself from her instrument. The pro stands at one remove from her instrument — meaning her person, her body, her voice, her talent; the physical, mental, emotional, and psychological being she uses in her work. She does not identify with this instrument. It is simply what God gave her, what she has to work with. She assesses it coolly, impersonally, objectively.

Does Madonna walk around the house in cone bras and come-f*k-me bustiers? She’s too busy planning D-Day. Madonna does not identify with “Madonna.” Madonna employs “Madonna.”


SEVEN.

Spend less time researching, more time doing. Researching/studying/ reading other people’s blogs is a form of resistance. In order to get clarity, you must act. Clarity does not come by learning more, it comes by jumping in with your instincts and putting yourself out there, even if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.

Block out the distractions (turn off the phone, Facebook, and Gmail) and take inspired action that feels fun, easy, and exciting. This will rattle your inner Perfectionist Catholic German Drill Sergeant, because you have been taught that succeeding requires you to do boring, tedious crap that’s difficult. Sometimes you’ll have to do boring stuff (prep your tax receipts) but when working your business, create daily, tangible goals that give you a sense of inspired accomplishment or you will end up sucking down shots of Johnny Walker and playing Candy Crush Saga at 3 in the afternoon. Or Instagramming the dog. Same thing.


EIGHT.

Only say yes to clients/collaborative projects that are HELL YESES. Scrutinize any joint project carefully and qualify the person you are doing the project with (even if they are your friend and you LOVE them). Get everything in writing before you embark on the project, with a clear division of labor and deadline dates. You will most likely be splitting the profits, so have two numbers in your head: The $ number you would LIKE to make, and the $ number you NEED to make in order to pay for your time. Set the first financial deadline early to make your NEED number so that you both have the freedom to walk away if the project isn’t going to be profitable. Have a transition strategy in mind so in case that happens and one of you wants to continue on with the project, there is a way to pass the baton gracefully.

Summed up: COMMUNICATE ABOUT EVERYTHING, even though you’re friends, even though you love each other, even though you trust each other, even though you’ve worked together at XYZ Company, because projects have a way of going sideways and making everyone a little custodial and overreactive.


NINE.

You must devote time to becoming a brilliant marketer. MUST. I know you just want to spend all your days making hipster sarsaparilla-scented mustache wax, or needle pointing edgy throw pillows for Etsy, or writing your YA zombie novel, or life coaching women to stratospheric success, but if you don’t spend time marketing you will not make money.

This was my biggest weakness when I started because I thought marketing = slimy sales letters with big arrows and opt-in boxes and I couldn’t! I wouldn’t! So I put my head in magical fairyland sand, stubbornly insisting that my customers would be tractor-beamed into my budding practice by the pulsating, heavenly light that radiated from my vision boards and 4 blog posts.

And then I ate canned food and spaghetti for a long, long time.

But this rescued me — knowing what category I fell into: a guru-star, wisdom guide (ding ding), or connector/supporter. Beth Grant explains this expertly and you can watch a free webinar here which will help you figure out which one you are. And once you have that figured out, marketing to your customers will be a thousand times easier because you will be working within your natural vibe. I am not an affiliate for this, I just really love her work.

Learn what way you like to market and stick to that and do it consistently and often. Even if you hire a pro, you will be doing some marketing yourself. Keeping your website fresh and current is essential in your marketing, so learn how to work WordPress and learn some HTML code. You will be in the guts of your website A LOT.


TEN.

Email will be your new best frenemy. Your inbox will explode. You care about everyone, but you can’t help everyone. Read: Not everyone is your customer. Your inbox will be a jumble of people who want to say thank you, people who want free stuff, and people who want your services. Your job is to quickly discern who’s who and respond in the most appropriate way.

Shorten the email back-and-forth as quickly as possible with people that are your potential clients. If your business is a consultancy where you are selling your time, I recommend having two form letters on hand that you can customize to the occasion: one for your potential customer and the other for your not potential customer.

Your Customer: Acknowledge their situation, request, or problem and invite them to a 20-minute call. Include your available dates, times, and a phone number you can be reached.

Not Your Customer: Acknowledge their situation, request, problem and direct them to other resources, practitioners, blogs, or articles that would be a splendid fit for them.

I love personally connecting with my clients. In this area of business, I am 1997 all the way, and I pick up the phone and talk to them live. I set up all the calls on one day or schedule them after my regular client sessions. I have found this to save a colossal amount of time. In a 20 minute phone call, I accomplish the following:

  • Find out their history and current issues.
  • Explain to them how coaching works and pricing.
  • Ascertain if we are a right fit and they are ready for coaching.
  • Answer any of their logistical questions.
  • Give them a personal sense of what it would be like to work with me on the phone (my tone of voice, cadence through the call, etc.).
  • Process the invoice.
  • Set up the first session.

Do you know how long that would take back-and-forth by email?
5 days to a month. Do not screw your own time economy.


ELEVEN.

Number eleven is a hodge-podge: Do not work your business 7 days a week. From time to time, forget everything you know about the “right way” to run a business and run it like a neighborhood lemonade stand. Do not price your offerings around your personal ability to pay for it — you are not your ideal customer. Work out perplexing issues in your business and it will resolve problems in other areas of your life. Breathe, play, laugh. Remember how lucky you are to be an entrepreneur. If you want to be smarter in business, read everything these two people write: James Altucher and Penelope Trunk.

Now it’s your turn: What piece of advice could you offer a new entrepreneur? Onward!

Stephanie St.Claire | Intuitive Guidance Counselor | BLISSBOMBED.com

Share your two cents here.

If you found value in this article, it would mean a lot to me if you hit the recommend button.

PS. There’s a workshop just for you called Soulful Entrepreneurship. Check it out here.

Source Medium – > https://medium.com/i-m-h-o/3dc264023df5

Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito:


 

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

burrito 002

burrito 002 (Photo credit: ajdykstr)

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

A Green Burrito asada burrito meal with tortil...

A Green Burrito asada burrito meal with tortilla chips, beans, and rice. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

burrito la carretta

burrito la carretta (Photo credit: Noelle Gillies)

God is sorry he made us.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “WHY NOT JUST ASK FOR A NEW ONE”:

Okay yeah cool. Here is that post:

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Can I have I new one?

HOLY SHIT THAT IS SOME COMEDY MAGIC HAPPENING RIGHT THERE.

Was your favorite part the part where I said “can I” or “have a new one?”

IT’S SO HARD TO PICK WHICH PART IS FUNNIER IN THIS NEWLY CONSTRUCTED JOKE.

I CAN’T BREATHE. CRYING.

Oh. Wait.

Maybe you missed that this is a joke.


 

 

 

The Job that Games Do


Why and when we choose to play

 

 

My colleagues have taught me about a product development philosophy called “Jobs to be Done.” It’s succinctly expressed in this article by Clay Christensen, but I’ll summarize it here too.

 

Let’s use a novel as an example. If you ask a reader why they bought it, they’ll tell you that they wanted to read the story (they’ll also look at you like you’re an idiot). If you ask the publisher why they published it, they’ll say that they predicted the book would make more money than it cost to produce, or that it filled a competitive niche, or that they were honoring a three-book contract with the author. These are valid responses.

 

Image representing Steve Jobs as depicted in C...

Image via CrunchBase

 

But neither the consumer’s nor the publisher’s reasoning answers the question of why someone reads a particular book at a particular time. Here’s a scenario: Our hypothetical book-buyer is reading it in line at the coffee shop. The person in front of her is playing Angry Birds. The person behind her is skimming Facebook. At that moment, none of them primarily wanted to read a story, or kill cartoon birds, or catch up with friends. They just wanted to be entertained for five minutes, and each “hired” a different product to do that job.

 

Read more – > https://medium.com/geek-empire/a37b6e25f83c